FINALLY THE ONE 5

So today I decide not to go for work because I'll probably just be thinking about tonight's dinner. I wonder what he's like and if I'll be able to last more than a few minutes through dinner, I would love to stalk him on social media before I meet him but this is precisely why Mulo refused to tell me my date's name." I am not going to tell you his name because I know you very well Nacha and I don't want you going all FBI on my friend." Nora walks in and I tell her about my plan of how if I don't like the guy I was going to send her an emergency text so she could call me and give me a reason to leave but she looks at me with an 'I don't believe you ' kind of look right before she asks me to get a hold of myself and give the date a chance.

A few hours later, I arrive at starlight diners, a place that Mulo's friend had chosen for our date. It's quite a nice place, I must say, very divine. A waitress comes up to me and asks how she may be of service right before I tell her I'm meeting someone and give her my name, she smiles and leads me to my date. I can't believe my eyes when I see who gets up from his seat to pull a chair for me. "Hi Nacha, you're late. " he says with a smile on his face. "Hi Miles, I didn't expect to see you here." I say as nonchalantly as I can, trying to hide just how overjoyed I am to see him because even though I never admitted it to either Mulo or Nora, I kind of like Miles. On the other hand, I'm just glad I won't be spending my evening with a complete stranger, so it's not a blind date after all.

The evening seems to light up as Miles and I connect on every level and topic. I learn that Martinez was he's grandfather's first name and that it was given to him as his surname because he's father had ran away with another woman whilst his mother was still pregnant with him. We both share our aspirations in life and I easily figure that despite having a well-paying job, Miles is an ambitious man that I can't help but admire. I can't fathom how we both can be so free with each other that even opting to eat with our hands rather than following the fork and knife etiquette doesn't seem to bother us. It's like we've known each other for years yet I am reminded it's only been a few days when he asks me where I had been all his life. "I have been right where God wanted you to find me." I say. Miles says nothing but takes a sip of his wine and asks me if I would like to dance. I agree not because I'm a good dancer but because I promised myself to have a good time the moment I realized that Miles was my date. A few hours later I'm in Miles' car right outside my apartment as we call it a night. We both thank each other for a wonderful night and we oddly enough do not kiss each other good night.

A year later, Miles and I both keep seeing each other and there's no doubt we're both deeply in love despite our flaws. I know it is fate that Miles and I were meant to be together because for the first time in my life, I do not feel vulnerable for loving a man. He's definitely the one. Miles is the kind that never lets an argument get in the way of his love for me. Not even when I act up and let days go by acting moody for the slightest bit of a mistake he could have made. He's always there for me no matter what and his family adores me.

This morning I wake up feeling weary even though I still agree to help Miles run his errands. As we drive around town Miles asks if we can look at houses just for fun I agree as I begun to feel a whole lot better seeing Miles as he comes to pick me up this morning in his pure white short sleeved shirt and dark Blue jeans. Miles certainly has a great sense of style. A few minutes later we are at a very beautiful and elegant house that I'd rather call a mansion, I've never seen anything like it before; with amazing scenery and classy black walls it is a house to die for. We enter into the most beautiful living room I've ever seen and I tell Miles I'd love to own something like this in future when he smiles and says, "Well you're in luck because I bought this for us yesterday." I'm elated when I ask why he didn't tell me he had plans of buying us a house and even more elated when he says, "Nacha I love you and I've always wanted to propose to the love of my life in our home." He's words leave me speechless as I can't seem to take it all in, Miles gets down on one knee and removes the shiniest diamond ring I've ever seen. He looks straight into my eyes and utters the best four words of my life, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

 And while my future husband is on his knee, my first instinct is to call my mother, so I quickly get the phone and call her. "Mum I'm getting married." I say the moment I hear my mother say hello to me. She screams with excitement before she jokingly says, "Well it's about time Nacha." she asks me how he proposed and I tell her how he's still waiting for my hand, she laughs and tells me to hang up on the phone with the words, "Nacha darling, put the young man out of his misery and say yes to him, we sure don't want him changing his mind now do we?" I hang up and as tears uncontrollably flow from my eyes I kneel down right in front of Miles and say yes to him. We kiss for a very long time and I feel a kind of feeling that I've never felt before. It's an inexplicable feeling of beyond happiness, the kind I've truly never felt before.

Miles and I both decide we want nothing but a very intimate ceremony with a few friends and family and set our wedding day for a week later. We furnish our house and buy new clothes for ourselves. We both agree to donate our old clothes at a charity home of our choice.

The day has finally come, a day I thought would never come when I almost gave up on love but here I am all dolled up in my Cinderella wedding dress. As my father walks me down the isle all I can think of are the days ahead of me, how I will live to wake up next to my husband, the love of my life and the reason behind the immense joy in my heart. Standing beside a man who I will refer to as my husband in the next few minutes in front of everyone present does not make me nervous instead I feel content that I chose him to grow old with and when the officiant pronounces us as husband and wife and asks Miles to kiss his bride, we both kiss each other like no one is watching. I finally found the one.

The End.

By : MARTHA MUTEMA.

 

FINALLY THE ONE 4

Early this morning, I'm elated when I receive an email that says my thirty days leave has been approved. I quickly pack my bags and head to the bus station excited to know that in a few hours’ time I'll be chatting it up with my favorite cousin of all times. Mulo is definitely a go to person, the kind that never disappoints, shy but one hell of a freak when you get to know her. She has the kind of personality that keeps you wanting to have her around, no wonder she's my first choice whenever I need someone to spend my free time with. She and I are so close that we both end up not attending family events if one of us can't make it, a bad habit that to date still gets us in trouble during family meetings.

A few hours later, I'm thinking of how this has got to be the worst journey of my life. The service on the bus is pathetic, not that I expect spectacular service on a public bus but this is by far too pathetic a service to even be termed substandard. I'm sitting on a two seater seat that has apparently been turned into a three seater because the bus conductor sold more tickets than the number of seats in the bus and as if things couldn't get any worse I'm in between a woman whose baby can't stop crying and I'm forced to help her as she changes her baby's diapers right here in the bus and an overbearing man taking every stop the bus makes as a chance for him to go and smoke whatever it is that he has wrapped in small pieces of newspaper and still expecting everyone around him to be cool with his breath. I'm only relieved a few minutes later when I hear the man say to the bus conductor that he has reached his destination and within a few seconds he's gone. We are at another bus stop in what seems to be a short space of time, I see a man get on the bus no sooner than the bus conductor hands him a ticket. He's tall, dark in complexion and has quite a muscular body. He's the kind that you fantasize about, really good for the eyes I must say. I find myself smiling when he sits right next to me and this time I have no problem being uncomfortable. "These people sure are stealing our money with this kind of service, aren't they?" I'm surprised to hear him talk to me as he seems to be a reserved kind of person but I still respond in a nonchalant but firm tone, "considering we have to pay quite a large amount of money all in the name of hiked fuel prices.”

"Miles Martinez” he says as he extends his hand to shake mine and the other lady's. He obviously thinks the lady and I are related which is typical of most men considering the fact that we're both light in complexion."Nacha Ndhlovu." I say right after the other lady introduces herself as "Rachel Zulu." "He must not be Zambian." I say to myself considering his name.  Minutes later I notice how good Miles is with babies as he gently grabs the baby from its mother who seems glad to at least have a moment to herself. Miles smiles at the baby who seems to like him as he makes all kinds of funny faces and in no time the baby peacefully falls asleep in his arms. I'm impressed with Miles and quite disappointed in me for literally not glancing at the baby, the mother must obviously be thinking I'm not a kid's person. I finally reach my destination and I'm as excited as a child going for a holiday when I see Mulo waiting for me. I quickly say my goodbyes to Rachel and Miles and rush to give Mulo a big warm hug. I notice her body is in in perfect shape as we head to her car which was bought for her as a Birthday gift by her wealthy colleagues at work. Mulo is a chemical engineer working at a reputable private mining company.

Later in the evening, after Mulo and I finish catching up on what we've both missed out in each other’s lives even though we talk on phone literally every day, we both fall asleep at what seems like the same time.

Early this bright Sunday morning, we're all set to go for the church service even though we're running quite late, a habit we both can't seem to work on so we opt to use the car even though the church is not quite far from home. During the dispensation of Holy Communion in the service, I'm surprised to see Miles on his way to get his share of the Holy Communion I smile at him but quickly uncurve my mouth when I realize he definitely isn't looking at me. Minutes after the service I walk up-to Mulo and find her talking to Miles, she introduces me as her cousin and is pleased when we tell her we've met before. As Miles and Mulo continue with their conversation, I pretend to be chatting with someone on my whatsapp and yet still manage to figure from their conversation that aside from being church mates, they are work mates.

After an awesome thirty days,my leave comes to an end, yet it seems like I've only been here a few days, as is the case with time whenever one is having a good time. So in a few hours I'm back at my apartment telling Nora about how having a change of scenery was the most ideal thing for me. I tell her about my coincidental meetings with Miles and read her disappointment when I tell her I didn't think to get his phone number. A week later I'm on the phone with Mulo as is the case whenever I'm on my lunch break at work when she says, "So Nacha, I was thinking, wouldn't  it be great if you went on one blind date before you completely give up on finding love? " after a moment of silence as I'm still thinking about her words, she adds, "Listen, a good friend of mine is in your town right now as we speak and I think you two have quite a lot in common, you will like him I promise. Can you please meet him tomorrow? " I agree to have dinner with her friend knowing pretty much that Mulo is not a one to take no for an answer even though I end up regretting giving in to her demands so easily when it finally dawns on me that I've never been on a blind date.

FINALLY THE ONE 3

Chapter three

Early this morning Nora wakes me up to ask how I spent my day yesterday, I couldn't tell her about it last night because I fell asleep waiting for her to finish talking to Geo on the phone. Nora and Geo like to have long late night phone calls especially when Geo is out of town. "So when is Mr. Geo with a G coming back into town again?” I teasingly ask her. " No no no Nacha we can talk about that some other time first tell me about how you spent your day yesterday, girl you came back home very late." Nora says and before I can say anything my phone beeps and I smile when I notice that it's a text message from Mark, "Good morning beautiful, can I see you today?" I simultaneously read and smile, I look at Nora who gives me a puzzled look and then reply Mark's text with, "Sure thing darling, I am free all day. " I notice it's so unlike me to use this kind of grammar but I still click send.

I tell Nora everything that happened yesterday (everything I could remember ). I tell her I can't wait for her to meet my Prince Charming and that he will be thrilled to meet her too. "Well don't you think that was all too much to happen all in a day?" Nora asks me, a response I certainly did not expect from her and from her tone of voice it's clear she does not seem to like Mark one bit. "We both like each other so I see no point in us avoiding each other." I say in a very defensive tone. "I just feel you don't like this guy, you simply just love the idea of him keeping your mind busy with anything else other than Jackson. You are craving for attention and so even the wrong kind of attention seems right to you." Nora says and I can't help but get angry at her, how dare she say something like that to me? Was she happy seeing me sad all day? "I told you all this because I thought you'd be happy for me but I see you would rather see me unhappy all the time." I say with so much spite in my voice. "I am happy you are making a step to move on but you don't need to be seeing anyone right now especially not a guy who tells you he loves you the first time he sees you, I just feel he's being quite hypocritical. " Nora says but all I can think of is how she can have the guts to judge Mark, a man she has never met before. Mark calls me and I decide to walk away from Nora, she's definitely the last person I want to talk to right now.

Mark and I arrange to meet in an hour's time so I quickly get ready; I opt to wear a short maroon dress that exposes a bit of my thighs, black heels and a black handbag. I hear Nora shout that she's off to work but I deliberately ignore her. A few minutes later I hear a knock on the door and the idea that Mark is here to pick me up gives me butterflies in my stomach. I open the door and notice he's wearing a maroon shirt and a black trousers another color coincidence. "This is fate" I think to myself without saying a word to Mark who also says nothing. We hug for a long time and I can't help but bury myself in his sweet scent. He tells me he missed me as he hands me a box of chocolates. I find myself wishing Nora could see how amazing this guy is. Mark does not tell me where we are going saying he wants to surprise me. He's all touchy in the car and I get goose bumps whenever he touches my thighs slightly pushing my dress upwards. I can tell he's in love with me and I'm so taken I feel like a high school girl. I notice he's wearing a ring on one of his fingers and I feel my heart skip a beat, I feel a change in my temperature but still manage to nonchalantly ask, "You are not married, are you? " he looks panicky and I fear for the worst but only for a while because he convincingly tells me he only wears the ring because he liked it and decided to buy it for himself.

Two hours later we arrive at our destination, I quickly notice it's a five star hotel and guess we are probably here to have a romantic set meal but I realize that's not the case when one of the staff leads us to a big fancy room with silver walls and a bright purple floor. Immediately we're alone Mark locks the door, smiles at me and holds me so tight. I can tell from the way he's holding me that he wants something more. "I want to have you Nacha, Please don't say no, I want you.” I can't believe what he just said, I can't think of anything to say to him and I suddenly feel so dull like someone who just inhaled the smoke of Lead. Mark starts to kiss me so hard while touching me that I become so weak I stop trying to stop him and just as he puts me on the bed he's phone rings and I find myself self letting out a sigh of relief. Fortunately enough he tells me we have to leave, that he's needed at work in the next two hours and so we have to get going as soon as possible.

A few minutes later we are in his car driving back to the city when Mark says, "Hey I'm sorry I couldn't finish what I started I know you are finding it quite hard to resist me and you probably wanted me to satisfy your thirst for me but I promise I'll make it up to you soon." He's words just left me in awe, I literally don't know what to say to him. I simply can't fathom where he got the notion that he was just doing me a favor I want so hard to slap him but I convince myself that he probably didn't mean it in a bad way because the last thing I want is to have another guy dumping me. So I just say, "Please do." he smiles and drives with one hand while he holds my hand with the other. In less than two hours we're back at my place, Mark drove really fast as compared to when we were going to the hotel. We say our goodbyes; he winks at me and asks me to take care of myself for him.

Nora walks into my room a few minutes later, I pretend to still be upset with her and ignore her for the second time today. "Listen, I was rude this morning and I'm sorry, I should have been a little more considerate. If Andy makes you happy then I'm happy." she says. "He's name is Mark and thanks for realizing your mistake, I don't like it when we argue so can we just pretend this morning never happened?" I smile as she smiles back and asks how Mark is. I tell Nora everything that happened at the hotel and I notice a look of disgust on her face when I tell her about what Mark told me in the car. She gives me a concerned look and asks if I'm sure Mark is the one, I tell her that I'm more than a hundred percent sure that Mark is the right guy for me. "But why would he take you to a hotel so far from the city like he's got something to hide and why didn't he take you to his place instead?" I tell Nora that Mark has nothing to hide and that he's probably waiting for the right moment to take me to his house. She looks at me as if to say she's not convinced but I ignore her.

A month passes without seeing Mark as he has been out of town for work. He calls me three times a day everyday but today he calls to say he's back in town and that he would like us to go back to the hotel to finish what we started. I tell him I'm all set to leave for the park with Nora and we will have to do that some other time. "I want to have you today Nacha not some other time, the park can wait. " he says in a commanding tone. I reluctantly agree and hear him say, "Good girl! I better find you in one of your sexy dresses waiting for me outside in thirty minutes or else I will pick up someone else." in an even more commanding tone. I explain to Nora that I would have to cancel our plans last minute because Mark wants to see me. She smiles and says, "Well today I definitely have to meet this guy that wants to take my place in your life."

Thirty minutes later I see Mark's car approach my apartment and my knees become so weak, I realize that instead of being excited to see him, I'm anxious and nervous. He walks towards me and gives me a perk on my left cheek. Nora comes out and I introduce the two of them, they both keep quiet and don't shake hands, I ask if anything is the matter but no one gives me a response. After seconds of an awkward silence, Nora turns to me and asks if she can have a word with me in private. Nora and I enter the living room and before she can say a word I hear the sound of a car driving off. I look through the window and notice Mark's car is no longer parked outside." See what you've caused Nora, he left and he's probably upset with me right now. " I say. "Took him long enough." Nora says in a sarcastic tone. "What do you mean took him long enough?" I ask becoming more puzzled. "That's Mark Themba my cousin, that man is married Nacha, with two kids." Nora says with an expression of just how sorry she feels for me. I can't seem to process what she just said but I find myself sitting on the floor trying to hold back tears. I can't seem to get it, how I had not mentioned Mark's surname to Nora, I mean I knew they shared the same surname but why on earth didn't I mention this important detail.

"I'm sorry Nacha, but that guy is not an accountant, he failed his accounts course and he works in his wife's bookstore. Oh my God, that son of the devil just wanted to use you." Nora says with rage in her voice. I find myself standing up, taking off my heels and dragging my feet to the bedroom. I lay on my bed not believing what just happened and hoping it's all a bad dream, his actions begin to make sense now, Nora's words ring loud in my head, and that ring was definitely his marital ring! my word! I'm such a fool. I get my phone to call him but he's line doesn't go through and that's when it hits me that this is really happening, I find myself crying so hard that my head begins to ache so badly.

                                                      

In a year's passage of finding out Mark was married and being single since then, I got myself a job at one of the best media houses in the city as an editor and Nora and I moved into a much bigger apartment. Nora calls me just as I am about to leave for my lunch break and asks if I could take the rest of the day off just so we could go shopping for Geo's Birthday gift. I hesitate but later give in to her demands. A few minutes later we meet at a gift shop near her work place. We hug and begin to look at birthday cards, "So any cute guys at the office?" Nora asks. I tell her I'm not looking to date anyone for what seems to be like the hundredth time this week. "Come on Nacha, it's been a year already, are you seriously going to give up on love because some nincompoop lied to you?" she asks with so much concern. "I just don't want to be in a relationship. Simple." I say trying my best to fake a smile. "You know what you need right now? A change of scenery."

Later in the evening I realize Nora was right and I do need a change of scenery so I decide to call my favorite cousin Mulo who's been begging me to pay her a visit for the past three months now but I couldn't because of tight schedules at work but there isn't much work now and probably the best time to ask for a leave. Mulo picks up the phone and screams with excitement as I tell her I will be spending my one month leave at her home.

FINALLY THE ONE 2

                                                                                                                                          

Chapter two                                                                                                                                       

This morning I wake up so full of life and ready to conquer the world. This has been by far the longest two months of my life as it was mostly characterized by tears and unrealistic emotional breakdowns, I say unrealistic because honestly no guy deserves to be cried for the way I've cried for Jackson in the past few weeks. I guess I'm just tired of this melancholy whenever his stature comes to my mind, whenever I think of how I could never get tired of staring at him. Jackson was quite a catch; he was tall with a dark chocolate complexion and had the most amazing lips I've ever seen till now. He's smile was amazing, he's eloquent speech was to die for and he's sense of humor always swept me off my feet.

"I love him, no! I loved him." I find myself correcting my thoughts as I stare at the letter J on a bottle of 'Grape Juice' because honestly I can't determine whether what I feel for Jackson is love or hate. I remind myself I deserve better as I head to the bathroom to take a shower while pondering on last night's conversation with Nora on how I need to let go of the pain and move on. There are many reasons I call Nora my best friend but the one that stands out the most is that she's never such a one to judge me. “You know you keep wasting your beauty locking yourself up all day in this house right?” A question I literally didn't expect from her but I still found myself uttering the words "I'm not complaining,” as I tried my best to avoid eye contact with her.

"Listen Nacha, I'm not complaining either but I feel it's time you moved on, you can't keep harboring such pain in your heart." she said in such a calm tone one would think she's my mother.

"I miss him Nora, I want to hear his voice again, he's the only guy for me and I just want us to work things out, he's not perfect I know but I'm not either.” I said as I kept wiping my tears.

"You need to let him go Nacha, the fact that he knows you're hurting and still not doing anything to change that is clear enough that he doesn't deserve you. For all you know he could be having the best time of his life right now." I knew Nora was right but my pride mixed with shame could not allow me to acknowledge that to her. A long moment of silence fail before Nora could break it by saying, "The world needs to see more of you Nacha so go out there and conquer it " I smiled as I assured her that I would do just that.

I stare at myself in the mirror with so much happiness and contentment that I feel a boost in my self-esteem. I notice how my short but decent black dress fits me perfectly one would think it was tailor made for me, my shiny black sandals make my feet look so bright and beautiful. I pull my hair back into a ponytail and grab my small black purse. To me black is more than just a color, it is an emotion, a happy kind and an all-black outfit has the ability to make me feel like I am on top of my game even when I am as clueless as a baby.

I decide to walk to town as I think of which places to visit in the city. After fifteen minutes of aimlessly walking around town I decide to go into a bookstore to get myself a good book to read, something I haven't done since the breakup. I turn to my right and enter the first bookstore I see; it’s big with beautiful chandeliers quite fancy for a bookstore. A man walks up to me and introduces himself self as Mark Themba, I smile because Themba is also Nora's surname but I opt to keep this detail to myself.

"Nacha Ndhlovu," I say as I reach out my right hand to shake his.

"So how may I be of service Nacha?” I notice how his lips move when he speaks and can't help but wonder why I thought Jackson's lips were the best. I effortlessly convince myself that Jackson's lips are nowhere near Mark's well curved lips.

"I need something romantic with a women's fiction feel but not too dramatic." I say, noticing just how handsome he is, I love how he's taller than me and how he's rocking an all-black outfit, we definitely look like a couple with my corresponding outfit.

"I think I have just the right book for you, I just finished reading it and it's exactly what you have just described.” I hear Mark say and I just can't help it but like him the more because he read the book, which is quite daring considering how most men shun the idea of reading romantic novels but this man standing next to me is quite open minded and oh how I love open minded men.

"I'll take your word for it then.” I say "so which shelf?” I smile as I wait for him to gesture his hand toward the shelf where I'd find the book but instead he tells me the book is at their other bookstore and will only be in later in the day.

"Just give me your line and I’ll give you a call as soon as the book is in. "  He says as he hands me his phone and I find myself typing my phone number while thinking about how lucky I am that Mr. handsome is actually going to have my line, "can this day get any better? "

An hour later I'm drinking coffee at my favorite coffee shop when my phone rings, I wait for my true caller application to identify the unknown number before the name 'Mark Themba' pops up I pick up the call and utter a "hi Mark."

Mark: Hi Nacha, are you anywhere around town.

Me: Yes, I'm just four stores away from your bookstore.

Mark: The Italian coffee shop?

Me: Yes

Mark: I'll be there in five minutes.

Mark hangs up before I can respond and thoughts start running through my head, does Mark like me? Or maybe he just wants to tell me that the book has been sold out (something he can undoubtedly tell me over the phone). Probability of the latter is definitely zero so it's obviously the former. I notice Mark get into the shop and I wave my hand to guide him to my table. A beautiful waitress follows him behind but he tells her he will just have water for now as he takes his seat.  He nervously smiles and says, “I know you are probably wondering why I had to follow you here instead of asking you to come to the shop but I just had to see you outside the shop. Nacha I like you, I liked you the moment you entered the book store I mean you just have such a good aura around you.” Bingo! I was right he does like me and I like him too and although all I can think of right now is grabbing him and kissing those beautiful lips of his I have a strong urge to exercise some girl power so I say, "well thank you Mark, you seem like a good person too. "

"I'd love to get to know you Nacha. Can we go for a drive and just talk? " I know I should probably decline but instead I say,  "sure, why not? " and in no time Mark and I are out of the coffee shop and in his car talking about anything and everything we'd like to know about each other. I learn that he actually owns the bookstore and that he is an accountant by profession and that he actually didn't have an idea of the kind of book I needed but thought it was a good idea to lie to get my line. I notice how caring he is as he keeps asking if I'm hungry or thirsty even though I tell him I'm not because right now I am way too happy to have something to eat or drink. We stop at a beautiful place called 'Royal Gardens' and sit in one of the chalets. Mark looks straight into my eyes and tells me he's glad he went to the book store today.

He asks if I'm seeing anyone and for the first time in a long time I'm happy to be single. I tell him I'm not and he smiles at me and says, "You're my lady now, so say goodbye to being single. " I know I should probably object but I smile and nod in agreement with the words, "Yes, your majesty." escaping my mouth.

Hours later I'm in Mark's car, he's packed just outside my apartment, the lights are on so I figure Nora is back from work. I tell Mark about Nora and how I can't wait for the two of them to meet. We are both silent for a moment and I'm pretty sure I know what's coming as I feel his lips touch mine, they are just as soft as I had imagined them to be, we kiss briefly but I pull out and tell him I need to go home now, he agrees with me and wishes me a good night. I get out of his car and walk towards the door to my apartment when I hear him call out my name, I turn to look at him and he says, "I love you." I feel a rush of adrenaline and say "I love you too." He smiles and drives away.

FINALLY THE ONE

Chapter one

“Oh my God, what is wrong with me? “ I ask myself as tears keep flowing from my eyes. It is my fifth break up in what seems to be a short space of time. I like to refer to myself as the Mighty Nacha because truthfully break ups  never really get to me, I’d move on to the next relationship in no time but my fifth break up in particular really has me panicking and feeling less of myself. I can’t help but wonder how I got myself into such a mess, why I allowed myself to fall helplessly in love despite all my friends warning me against it. I guess if you meet the one that you can see a future with, one you’re willing to grow old with and spend the rest of your life loving him, you can’t help but fall helplessly in love.

 It all happened early this morning when I had resolved I was going to tell Jackson about how much I didn’t like how he had been treating me for the past thirty days, my boyfriend now ex had changed so much I just couldn’t seem to understand him anymore, he valued the company of his friends more than mine well not that he wasn’t allowed to love his friends but I just used to love how he’d balance sharing his time between his friends and I. I missed him, I wanted him around all day, not in the clingy type though but I guess I just missed how things were before he became so distant to the point where it didn’t matter whether he replied my text messages or not. Worse still, how he’d act so busy when I called him, making me feel like I was being a drawback to whatever it is he was doing.

So this morning, I gathered up the courage to have “the talk” with him, even though my best friend Nora had advised against it. Nora has a really soft spot for Jackson; she’d always find a way to rationalize whatever he did wrong. I like the fact that my two favorite people in the world would get along so perfectly but not to the extent of where it clouds my best friend’s ability to see when I am hurting.

“Yes Nacha “Jackson said the moment he had picked up my call in a tone I couldn’t quite fathom, I wondered if he was just being cold or he was just plain busy. My heart kept racing like I was about to have a conversation with a completely different person one who was not even my boyfriend. So in that very moment I managed to hear myself utter the words, “Hi baby, would you spare some minutes to have a talk with me?” trying my best to sound nonchalant. But his response was one that I couldn’t quite understand up-to this point, “Listen Nacha, I know exactly what you want us to talk about and you’re right, I have changed over the past few weeks, but I want you to understand it has nothing to do with you, I’m just not in the right space of mind so I just need some time to find myself, I need a break from you right now, I mean don’t call me and don’t even text me. Do you think you can do that for me? “

“What do you mean you need to find yourself? What exactly have you been doing for the past twenty five years of your life? “I asked as the tone of my voice kept sounding shaky.

“I just need a break from you Nacha, I’ve already decided on that and I don’t think there’s anything you can say or do to change that “Jackson said with his voice sounding even angrier.

“Well do you love me? “ I asked feeling very silly yet so sorry for myself.

“No” he said, without taking a second to think about the gravity of the question I had just asked him.

“Jackson Curt Mvula, are you breaking up with me?” I asked using his full names with a ray of hope that he might reconsider and realize how much I mean to him.

“Yes” he answered as quickly as he had hung up on me without waiting to hear my response.

I can’t quite describe how I felt the moment my mind   registered what had happened, was it a feeling of relief from all the stress Jackson had put me through in the past four weeks or was it the melancholy of losing my boyfriend of ten months. I didn’t even realize how I had left my comfortable bed to find myself weeping uncontrollably on the cold floor of my room wondering how we had gotten to that point , I mean Jackson and I were so in love I honestly didn’t see this day coming. I tried to stay strong but couldn’t help but break down the more.

So tonight I’m wondering what’s wrong with me because in my head I thought I had done my best to be the best girlfriend to Jackson but I guess my best wasn’t good enough. I haven’t been able to move myself back into my bed so I’ve been on this cold floor whose temperature I’ve found myself adapting to since morning, I can feel my heart racing as I think about all the good times I had with Jackson, how he was so outgoing and would take every chance to take me to the best places in town and how he’d joke about me being a foodie but still eat as much as I did, I loved how he’d fit so perfectly in my imperfections, I thought Jackson was the one, maybe that’s why I ignored all the red flags from the onset of our relationship, like how he’d always wait for me to make the first move toward our reconciliation regardless who was wrong or how he’d wait for me to ask him for help even when it was pretty much clear that I needed it. All this in the name of accepting a man and his flaws but when I think of how he’d mistreat me psychologically, with indirect insults to my emotions I can’t help but feel I wasn’t accepting his flaws, I was rather accepting his bullsh*t.

A few minutes after midnight, I realize I’m still lying on the floor and still struggling to sleep when I hear the kitchen door open and close and footsteps towards my room. I know its Nora, we’ve been staying together for a year now and she’s not one to keep late nights unless on special occasions, today was special for her. Well I didn’t really tell her about my break up with Jackson because I didn’t want to disturb her day at work and mostly because I didn’t want to ruin her after work date with Geo or Geo with a G as I fondly call him. Geo has been out of town for the past two weeks and only arrived this afternoon and insisted he had to see Nora tonight.

Nora walks into my dark room and whispers if she can switch on the light, she’s clearly thinking I’m sleeping because she apologizes for disturbing my wonderful night  before she turns to me, her mouth is wide open as that of someone who has just seen a ghost she’s obviously surprised to see me in this state. She left before I woke up this morning, I notice she’s wearing a dark blue short dress with Crystal earrings and black with blue bottom heels while holding a big black handbag with one hand and struggling to close her mouth with the other which gives me a nostalgic feeling as dark blue is my mum’s favorite color.

“Nacha what’s wrong? Did you have an argument with Jackson? Did something happen at home or is it something at work? Nacha please talk to me. “She utters every word without giving me a chance to respond, until finally I let out the words, “Jay broke up with me.” Nora looks at me as if to say something really sympathetic but only asks, “Is that even possible?” I look at her with a look that asks, are you seriously asking me this right now? When she gets back to her senses she tells me how sorry she is and asks why I couldn’t tell her what happened because it’s clear I’ve been crying for quite a long time.  Nora convinces me to call Jackson and when I try to call him and not go through, I realize at that very moment that he blocked my line and did the same to all my social media accounts. I begin to cry uncontrollably all over again thinking and concluding it’s really over between us only this time I’m glad I’m with Nora as she holds me tightly.